Tuesday, 24 November 2015

Don't Read This Please

Seriously, no one gives a damn, do they? I'm at the library in my college and it's 1:15 PM; Lunch Break.

Oh, I don't know. I have a feeling that no one is ever gonna lay an eye on this stuff I'm writing anyway. So, see... Help me, I beg you, somebody out there? I don't know a thing, a single damned thing. I'm trying so hard not to use the f-word here, for what? Maybe I don't like that word much. No, I really like it, kind of, oh, people these days use it a lot, for every this and that. For what? I guess, to look cool, hey, I'm using the f-word, see, I'm so freaking cool. Is being cool defined by the number of curse words you use? Oh, I don't know. Anyway, I don't wanna look cool so, oh, in my mind I'd like to think I am cool but, anyway, I don't care. Oh, what do I know?

I'm about to delete the paragraph above but you know what? I'm not going to. Why? I don't know, then, what do I know? I'm living in the rocking city of south India and doing my post graduation at one of the best universities in the country and my life is, for all I know now, at the rock bottom. I'm not smart, not good looking, not funny (I'm a joke though), I'm not brainy, can't do public speaking, my general knowledge is a general zero, my hair is not long and thick and straight, my body is not zero size, I rarely speak in class, I don't have any friends, I hate people, people hate me more. In fact, I don't know what was God thinking when He created me, I think He ran out of every possible supply of talents and plus all these good behavior stuff and since my parents were on the line and He had to do something about it, He must have had to make something up in a hurry and so, here I am.

Oh, so, I need help, I hate being weak but I can;t help it. I don't know. These days I spent my life watching sitcoms and Jimmy Fallon, I just want to escape. just want to forget, I just want to be happy, just want to laugh. I am hungry now. I don't eat though. I don't want to. I walk in to my class and keep a straight face and an aching heart. I hate everyone, everyone hates me more. No, it's all my fault, God, why do I have to be like this? I waste my time Googling handsome-hot movie stars and envying the fortunate. I don't bother anymore. I don't pray, can't pray anymore. I think God has given up on me, like everyone else had, like I had. I hurt people I love because I'm hurt. Nobody understands. Go on, stop reading, this blog is stupid and worth spit, just like me. I don't care, do I?

The bell for next hour is about to ring and I better leave now. Bye.

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