My Songs 16: Mouth

                                          Mouth

Keep it shut, keep it tough
If ya wanna make things alright
Keep it strong, keep it long
If ya wanna have some peace of mind

What you say, what you gain
Everything comes back to you again
What you play, everyday
Might turn out harder than what you can face


/Chorus/
Be careful when you open your mouth
Be fearful when ya say things out loud
Think twice of what you say
All the time, everyday

Be straight about what you feel
But the outcome depends on how ya deal
With things that go
Like the wind, on and on...



You might not know, what they know
Before you respond to all the show

See, there's more than just the two of us
Who's tryin' to be strong enough

Open up, open wide
You know that there's not much to hide

But you see what it'd be
You might have to pay a higher beat

/Chorus/


People who know nothing to do
They criticize, tryin' to let ya down
Don't give a damn, don't make a boom
Let your silence be your crown

/Chorus/



 

My Songs 15: Just The Same

                           Just The Same

She's got a way of making things shine brighter
She's got a smile that can take me higher

She helps me up when I'm feeling down, so low
She makes me move when it's harder on my own

And that's why I sing...

/Chorus/
No matter where I go
No matter where you go
No matter what we're gonna be

I'll always by your side
You'll always by my side
We'll never forget you and me

'Cause, even the times may change
But, we are just the same



I can't help thinkin' that she's an angel
Can't even let her know how much I love her

I'm just plain looking; I'm nowhere near her style
I'm not so brilliant to rule her for awhile

But I still hope that

/Chorus/


And after all this time I know
That you're one of a kind
There's not much left to show
I've already poured out my mind

But I just wanna tell you that
Even though it's invitable
Don't ever change, no matter what
'Cause you're so adorable

Stay just the same...

/Chorus/

Even after a thousand years
Ever after a million miles
We'll stay just the same
Never change, never change... (x4) 

My Songs 14: Off My Mind

                                                Off My Mind             

 

 

It takes a lot of effort not to cry when you pass me by

Without another glance

Guess it's easy to fly when you're so high

Leaving me down

And I don't know how to survive

I don't want to be...

/Chorus/

Someone who cares so much for

Someone who's not there anymore

Wish I could go back before I knew you

Wish I was a little stronger than this truth

I want to leave the old me behind

And to wipe you off my mind...

Been here, tryin' to make you happy, to make me worthy

To be your friend

Guess I'll never ever be good enough for you, it's tough

And I want this all to end

But I don't know how to let go

'Cause I'll always be...

/Chorus/

Go... Go... Go by yourself, yeah

Don't stay with me

I... I... I can't just erase you, baby

So please fade away...

And I won't be...

/Chorus/ 

 

 

My Sings 13: Sunshine

                                             Sunshine

I grabbed a pen, I took my diary

I want to write how much you mean to me.

It'll take sometime to get it started

'Cause it's been awhile since I wrote something.

And I want to write a song

For you, just you alone

And I want to tell you that

You're one of the best I've ever had.

/Chorus/

So, be my sunshine. be my light

Be my only strength to fight.

Be my home when I feel like

I have nowhere else to hide.

Hear my heart cry when I fall

Come and save me when I call,

Wake me up from this bad dream

Take me to the place we live.

A lot of cuts, a lot of crosses

And I still can't find the right words

To make it good, to make it decent

For you to see, see I'm this girl.

Who thinks you are a star,

you shine bright in the dark,

You turn my nights into days

You take my pain away

/Chorus/ 

And I know, we'll never be forgotten

Wherever I go, I'll never be broken

Even if I fall in to the dark

You'll always be my spark

'Cause you be my sunshine....

My Songs 12: Like a Bliss

                                                               Like a Bliss

Every time I go home I always think about you

Each time I board a bus, oh, it reminds me of us two

The way you smile when you bring

A big bottle of mango drink

I can't help but feel like

I'm a bit outta my mind, oh...

/Chorus/

How well you care for me like I'm your own

I'll always stare at you like I'm blinded by your light

I'm sure God forgot to send you with me

Oh, it's just so but you'll always be here

'Cause you're my brother 'n I'm your sissy

And we'll go further in life together

Like a bliss

You know what I'm like, the things I wanna do and have

You've seen me at my worst and still you stand by me and you care

The way you wave at me each time

We pass by through this busy lines

I can't help but feel like

I've been blessed my whole life, oh...

/Chorus/

India Vision 2020

 A portion from Dr. A.P.J Abdul Kalam's speech in Hyderabad.

'This speech must be read by every Indian'

 

My dear friends, I came across this article unexpectedly during an evening as I was searching for some visions about India 2020. I must say, this speech answered many of the questions that had been burning inside me for a couple of years. I had obviously heard about this speech earlier but hadn't bothered about checking its content. It is a shame on me that I didn't make an effort. But I'm aware of this now and I want you guys to be aware of it too. What if just one soul gets inspired and stops and thinks about it? What if a single pair of hands can make a change? It's time to stop speaking/writing and start acting, I think. Have a good read, and I hope this will prick you conscience.

I have three visions for India. In 3000 years of our history people from all over the world have come and invaded us, captured our lands, conquered our minds. From Alexander onwards, the Greeks, the Turks, the Moguls, the Portuguese, the British, the French, the Dutch, all of them came and looted us, took over what was ours. Yet we have not done this to any other nation.

We have not conquered anyone. We have not grabbed their land, their culture, and their history and tried to enforce our way of life on them. Why? Because we respect the freedom of others, that is why my first vision is that of FREEDOM. I believe that India got its first vision of this in 1857, when we started the war of independence. It is this freedom that we must protect and nurture and build on. If we are not free, no one will respect us.

My Second vision for India is DEVELOPMENT. For fifty years we have been a developing nation. It is time we see ourselves as a developed nation. We are among top 5 nations of the world in terms of GDP. We have 10 percent growth rate in most areas. Our poverty levels are falling. Our achievements are being globally recognized today. Yet we lack the self-confidence to see ourselves as a developed nation, self-reliant and self-assured. Isn't this incorrect?

I have a THIRD vision, India must stand up to the world. Because I believe that unless India stands up to the world, no one will respect us. Only strength respects strength. We must be strong not only as a military power but also as an economic power. Both must go hand-in-hand. My good fortune was to have worked with three great minds. Dr. Vikram Sarabhai of the Department of space, Professor Satish Dhawan, who succeeded him and Dr. Brahm Prakash father of nuclear material. I was lucky to have worked with all three of them closely and consider this the great opportunity of my life.

Why is the media here so negative? Why are we in India so embarrassed to recognize our own strengths, our achievements? Why are we in India so embarrassed to recognize our own strengths, our achievements? We are such a great nation. We have so many amazing success stories but we refuse to acknowledge them. Why? We are the first in milk production. We are number one in Remote sensing satellites. We are the second largest producer of wheat. We are the second largest producer of rice. Look at Dr. Sudarshan; he has transferred the tribal village into a self-sustaining, self-driving unit. There are millions of such achievements but our media is only obsessed in the bad news and failures and disasters.

I was in Tel Aviv once and I was reading the Israeli newspaper. It was this day after a lot of attacks and bombardments and deaths had taken place. The Hamas had struck.

But the front page of the newspaper had the picture of a Jewish gentleman who in five years had transformed his desert and into an orchid and a granary. It was the inspiring picture that everyone woke up to. The gory details of killings, bombardments, deaths, were inside in the newspaper, buried among other news. In India we only read about death, sickness, terrorism, crime. Why are we so NEGATIVE?

I was in Hyderabad giving this lecture, when a 14-year-old girl asked me for my autograph. I asked her what her goal in life is: she replied: I want to live in a developed India. For her, you and I will have to build this developed India. You must proclaim.

India is not an under-developed nation; it is a highly developed nation. Allow me to come back with vengeance. Got 10 minutes for your country? YOU say that out Government is inefficient. YOU say that our laws are too old. YOU say that the municipality does not pick up the garbage. YOU say that the phones don't work, the railways are a joke, the airline is the worst in the world, and mails never reach their destination. YOU say that our country has been fed to the dogs and is the absolute pits. YOU say, say and say. What do YOU do about it? 

Take a person on his way to Singapore. Give Him a name ? YOURS. Give him a face ? YOURS. YOU walk out of the airport and you are at your international best. 

In Singapore you don't throw cigarette butts on the roads or eat in the stores. YOU are as proud of their Underground Links as they are. You pay $5 (approx.Rs.225/-) to drive through Orchard Road (equivalent of Mahim Causeway or Pedder Road) between 5 PM and 8 PM. YOU comeback to the parking lot to punch your parking ticket if you have over stayed in a restaurant or a shopping mall irrespective of your status identity.

In Singapore you don't say anything, DO YOU? YOU wouldn't dare to eat in public during Ramadan, in Dubai. YOU would not dare to go out without your head covered in Jeddah. YOU would not dare to buy an employee of the telephone exchange in London at 10 pounds (Rs.900/-) a month to, "see to it that my STD and ISD calls are billed to someone else. "YOU would not dare to speed beyond 55 mph (88 kmph) in Washington and then tell the traffic cop, "Jaanta Hai sala main kaun hoon (do you know who I am?). I am so and so's son. Take your two bucks and get lost.

"YOU wouldn't chuck an empty coconut shell anywhere other than the garbage pail on the beaches in Australia and New Zealand. Why don't YOU spit Paan on the streets of Tokyo? Why don't YOU use examination jockeys or buy fake certificates in Boston? We are still talking of the same YOU. YOU who can respect and conform to a foreign system in other countries but cannot in your own. You who will throw papers and cigarettes on the road the moment you touch Indian ground. 

If you can be an involved and appreciative citizen in an alien country why cannot you be the same here in India?

Once in an interview, the famous Ex-municipal commissioner of Bombay Mr. Tinaikar had a point to make. "Rich people's dogs are walked on the streets to leave their affluent droppings all over the place," he said. "And then the same people turn around to criticize and blame the authorities for inefficiency and dirty pavements. What do they expect the officers to do? Go down with a broom every time their dog feels the pressure in his bowels?

In America every dog owner has to clean up after his pet has done the job. Same in Japan. Will the Indian citizen do that here?" He's right. We go to the polls to choose a government and after that forfeit all responsibility.

We sit back wanting to be pampered and expect the government to do everything for us whilst our contribution is totally negative. We expect the government to clean up but we are not going to stop chucking garbage all over the place nor are we going to stop to pick up a stray piece of paper and throw it in the bin. We expect the railways to provide clean bathrooms but we are not going to learn the proper use of bathrooms. We want Indian Airlines and Air India to provide the best of food and toiletries but we are not going to stop pilfering at the least opportunity.

This applies even to the staff who is known not to pass on the service to the public. When it comes to burning social issues like those related to women, dowry, girl child and others, we make loud drawing room protestations and continue to do the reverse at home. Our excuse?" It's the whole system, which has to change, how will it matter if I alone forego my son's rights to a dowry. So who's going to change the system? What does a system consist of? Very conveniently for us it consists of our neighbours, other households, other cities, other communities and the government. But definitely not me and YOU.

When it comes to us actually making a positive contribution to The system we lock ourselves along with our families into a safe cocoon and look into the distance at countries far away and wait for a Mr. Clean to come along & work miracles for us with a majestic sweep of his hand. Or we leave the country and run away. Like lazy cowards hounded by our fears we run to America to bask in their glory and praise their system. When New York becomes insecure we run to England. When England experience unemployment, we take the next flight out to the Gulf. When the Gulf is war struck, we demand to be rescued and brought home by the Indian government. Everybody is out to abuse and rape the country. Nobody thinks of feeding the system. Our conscience is mortgaged to money. 

My Songs 11: Cry

                                                  Cry

Seems like yesterday we met and said our first hello

Been so hard to say the things I wanted you to know

But I can assure you that I'll never get in your way

This time is the last and now I'll have my final say

I knew it all along...

/Chorus/

Why did you come into my life

So that you can leave me broken

What had you kept inside your mind

The words you left unspoken

You said you loved me and it's a big fat lie

You moved on from this, leaving me back to die

I wish I was as cold as you

But I still hold on to you, I cry for you

I'm ashamed to admit that I haven't been sleeping these days

All I do is lie awake, wondering how bad I was to let you stray
 

And each day is another hope that maybe perhaps you'd be

By my side to smile at me and ask "hey, so, how have you been?"

But I guess I'm not worth it...

/Chorus/

And now I know that you've never meant

A single word of what you've said

And now I see the light and the dark

The face you kept inside the mask

But I don't know why I can't move on

Maybe I'm weak, I guess I got to be strong

I can't believe you don't even care as my tears flow in vain

I guess you're loving it, yeah, you love to see my pain....

So sit back and enjoy as you watch me cry...

/Chorus/

An Overall Championship

Oh no.

Oh no, oh no, oh no.... OH NO!!!!

I've lost it. The only thing I wasn't supposed to lose in a day like today. My voice. I'VE LOST IT!

How, HOW? Yeah, last night... I remembered. I guess I lost control. I shouldn't have, should never EVER have let them do that to me. I shouldn't have done that to ME. Of course, I didn't know then. Well, how am I supposed to know that my voice would slip off my throat if I continuously shouted that high-pitched part of "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion? It was just, oh, I did it only because they, the girls, asked me to. Oh no, blame them! No, blame me! Oh no, can't I even sing a high-octave scale? And now it was like as if someone had pushed on a mute button inside my throat.

I was speechless. Well, actually I couldn't speak anything, see, my voice is gone! Just like that! It was another morning in someday of October 2009 and I was there, in a small dingy room of the St. Dominic's Girls' Hostel, wondering what on the earth has happened to my voice. I just sat there on my bed, blanket-covered and hands over my head. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, I couldn't think about it. Damn! What am I gonna do if I can't even speak a thing? I tried calling Nimisha, my roommate and classmate and a dear friend, who was sleeping so peacefully on the bed beside me. And guess what? She wouldn't even budge! No surprise, put Nimisha to sleep and she'll never get up unless it's  a 'food's-matter'. No hope of her getting up now to rescue me from this. I cursed and turned on the light and checked the clock beside my cot.
OH NO, WHAT THE HELL? It's 6.00 AM already! Dammit!

I stared and stared at it until a small voice inside my head said, "get a grip, Marie, you've got 30 minutes." Oh yeah! 30 minutes to get ready and gotta catch the next possible bus to Mannarkkad! Dammit, today is the Bible Arts Competition of the Forane Level and I have signed up for 4 items! 4 ITEMS ONSTAGE AND MY VOICE IS GONE! What the hell am i gonna do?

Okay, okay, I got it. Gotta hurry and within 6.25 I was all set. Dressed in my favorite pink 'Dog-Bitten' skirt and white top. This dress has got my lucky-charm on it. That's why I used to wear it for most of the days whenever I needed a push. Besides, I guess I looked kinda nice, well, see I'm not that of a Miss School-Beauty thing, I guess I looked kinda cute when I'm wearing that and besides, pink is kinda girlie and used to be my favorite color back then. Okay, enough about my looks, anyway, someone had knocked at my door as I was pondering over my looks in the mirror.

"Are you ready yet? It's 6.30 already." A voice shouted.

"No, I mean... It's only 6.28 and yeah, George I'm coming now." I whispered back at Aiswarya George, she was one of my close girlfriends and I loved her strange noisy-voice which, well, sounded funny. And she was a funny and interesting person to be with but now, if I didn't hurry enough, I was about to get a few smacks from her. Well, I didn't want to be beaten by someone in the early morning of a day like this when I'm all beaten up inside. I wasn't feeling very well that moment and I felt a tight knot inside my stomach. What's happening?

I opened the door, moved on  and luckily missed a face-to-face collision with her. "Awwrr... Missed it by that much!" She goggled. I managed a weak smile at her and said good morning, hoping she wouldn't notice the tears welling up in my eyes. Shit! Was I crying? No, Marie, this ain't the time! I tried hard to calm down myself and to look like my usual self. But, believe me, sometimes you couldn't help but wish these close friends did not have that super-power to understand exactly how you feel inside just by your presence near them. I can tell you this because it wasn't later when George grabbed my waist as I was hurrying towards to the front door. DAMN IT! I knew I was caught up.

"Is everything alright?" George asked, her eyes locking with mine, well, stop doing that, I wanted to shout but I just stared and smiled widely, "yeah, of course, why not?", and wished my smile would work. I wasn't able to keep my voice, well, what's remaining of it now, from breaking. But what I could see from her eyes then, well told me no. No, my smile didn't work and I was about to get investigated by the Nancy Drew Junior about the new case, here, well, it's me. And I was not going to let her get me. Move Marie, I told myself. NOW!

"We gotta hurry, George, it's time!" I wriggled out of her grip and hurried towards the door. "Did you take the bag, have you checked it alright?" I managed to keep my face away, looking at everything around but her as we walked out the hostel gates. "Yeah, I did take it and everything's in there, the events-list, numbers, our wallets, everything. But," she paused, I didn't look at her, "what's wrong, Mar, you look upset."

A little note here, see my name is Maria, Maria Joseph actually and I call myself Maria Pullatt or Marie. Huh, and my Daddy call me Muthu, even these days he's winning over the long protests from my Mom about how I had grown up and not to be pampered again. Well, how can a nick-name pamper you? Anyways, friends from my high school used to call me 'Marie', and when I reached the 12th grade, my best friends had put these two names together to 'Marimuthu'. See, a lot of names for me to bear and now George and some others called me 'Mar'. You might meet much more as you read on, so, keep your mind and eyes open.

Now, this was not going to be any good. I thought. "Nothing," I said, "just being nervous. Oh it's really cold here, ain't it?" I desperately tried to change the conversation off me, but... "You gotta be kiddin' me, eh? Maria Joseph, nervous about being onstage. Oh. My. God. You're really bad at doing this." George pointed out. "Drop it, Mar. Tell me what's up." She paused and rolled her eyes at me as I guiltily shifted mine away from hers. See, when you're upset about something, asking why you're upset will make you more upset, I tell you. And now, I was trying to stop the tears from welling up inside my eyes. I blinked furiously as I walked on, ignoring her question.

"Nice outfit, by the way." George said after an awkward long time, losing hope that I'd say something. I said nothing but nodded as we crossed the main road towards our stop, St. Joseph's Church, Sreekrishnapuram. It was awful, being complimented on my looks. Especially when it's not even 5 minutes before that some folks in an autorikshaw, which was passing by the two of us as we were walking, had shouted at me, "hey kiddo, what happened to your skirt? Did you get bitten by the street dog?" I had tried hard not to freak out as I ignored them. I could feel George, beside me, shaking with bursting laughter she was doing her best to control. Damn 'em, Marie, I'd comforted myself. You look nice, believe it. I had no trouble in believing anything not because I had to, nor even because it was the truth. I always believe in something because I WANT TO. And now I wanted to believe that it was all a dream, everything. Me, George, the cool breeze caressing my face, the break of a new day with full of promises and hope, the fact that my voice is nothing but a small awful sound...

GOOD NEWS! We didn't have to go by the local bus as there was a last minute change of plan by the Parish Vicar as he'd arranged the St. Domininc's School to provide us their bus service and we were going all by ourselves. About 20 of the students and 3 teachers with Sister Joice. It was a pleasant surprise for us, students as we were mentally preparing ourselves to face the hustle and bustle inside the bus.

So, getting to travel for participating in a competition while you're comfortably admiring the outside view in the side-seat of a bus with the people who think you're going to win in whatever you do and has every faith in you, it was supposed to be jolly. I was supposed to be springing around blabbing with each and everyone inside the bus. But all I did through the way was praying and trying to look cheerful. I've no idea now how many Rosaries I said with in an hour. Please, I'd begged to God. Please give my voice back to me, Please. I prayed with all my heart. Mother Mary, PLEASE do tell your Son to make me alright. Just for this day, just for a few hours, just till my last program is over. Please, I want you guys to do a miracle right now, for me. I looked at the people all happy and having a good time around me with every hope, as if it was just a small picnic. "Don't worry," a small voice said inside my head, "everything will be alright." I knew, I WAS GOING TO FAIL FOR SURE.

"Welcome to our Parish." A handsome guy ushered us through the gates. I looked at the marvelous church, I don't remember it's name, with awe.It was big indeed, I was astonished to find out that my own parish was actually 4 times smaller that this. And you can never imagine the panic I had as we we were lead to our respective homerooms. There were participants for the different competitions from about 25 other parishes and I bet they were PERFECT in whatever they did. No way that I can ever even think winning over all of them. Well, okay, I admit that I'm a drama queen when it comes to explaining how pathetic I am but that was really the case, then. "Please..." I begged, grabbing Sister Joice's arm tightly, "don't let me go, please, I can't do it!" I was in the verge of tears. "What?" she asked, "what on the earth are you talking about? You can't go? Well, YOU are our only hope to win the Overall 1st place, Maria. You're just worried. Don't mess it up in the last moment, okay?" "No, I can't do this." I insisted, shaking my head vigorously. "For kindness' sake," I looked down, "my voice is gone!" There, I said it, I said it to the world which had suddenly went so silent. "What do you mean," Sister Joice frowned, tilting her head to one side, she pushed my chin up so that she could look me in the eyes, "your voice what?" "It's gone," I mumbled, "last night, I had a throat problem and today morning, when I woke up, my voice was gone. I can't sing now." I burst into tears right there, in front of each and every kids and elders who was standing there, staring.

"Don't!" George said, grabbing my arm. "It's alright, you can do it." "No no, I can't!" I wailed. Soon, everyone in our group was consoling me, trying to make me stop crying, to cheer me up. "You can sing softly, can't you? You don't have to sing out so loud." Someone said. "You don't have to worry about being perfect, just do what you have to do." A tall guy who was my junior said. "Don't cry, Maria chechi...", a little one said, grabbing my waist, "you can do it"! I looked down, shaking my head. And then, someone rushed in and shouted, "Maria, MARIA, they're calling out for the solo, go fast! Where are you?"

 WHAT? NO!!!

*****

"Hey, it was good." An old lady said, patting my arm as I was making my way through the crowd to the way out after my song. "Thanks" I mumbled and rushed out of the venue. I couldn't believe it did it! I sang, yeah, I did! I knew it wasn't that good, but as I was concerned, I didn't mess up with the lyrics and the tune. So, score 1! I felt horrible. "Please," I tried again when I got back in our room, "I'm done and it's not gonna do. I can't sing the rest of it." "You did really well." Sister Joice smiled. "And we know you're gonna do the rest as wonderful as well. Don't you worry, kid." She said and turned to check on the other kids who were getting ready for a dance.

I din't know if I could handle this stress anymore. I went to look for Aiswarya and found her with her dance team. "Dude, you look funny and you stink!" I wrinkled my nose as she ran to greet me. "And I heard you were not that bad for the solo, congrats!" She smiled broadly as she tried to hug me. "Oh, for heaven's sake, move away, your makeup would get spoiled and my dress, too!" I was trying to avoid her red-painted arms as I heard someone call me again.

"It's time for the Poetry Reading competition, where's our Maria, oh, there you are! Go go go!!!" "Okay, okay, I'm going, going... Excuse me, I need some space, yeah thanks. I'm coming!" I tried to yell as I stormed out of the room as the dance team behind me yelled "GOOD LUCK" in unison.

*****

"Oh my God, I did it again!" I tried to catch my breath as I was walking out after my second performance. "How was it?" George asked me when she saw me coming back. " "Not bad, at least I didn't forget the verses." I smiled, for the first time that day, "and I feel more confident now." I added as helped myself to the snacks she brought for me. "Oh, I'm so glad to hear that, Mar." She looked happy as she walked away. "Well, we gotta go now, our item's getting closer. Do pray, okay?"  She shouted back as she went off with the other girls."Mmm... Thanks and Good Luck!" I said as I munched on a cookie, feeling brighter inside and out.

I spent the next few minutes listening to the classical song I had to perform next. We had our lunch then, and George was back as I was about to finish mine. "Hey, how did it go?" I asked as she sat down beside me with her plate. "Great, great! I was just great!" She was so excited. "We were one of the best and I'd kill myself if we didn't make it to the first position." "Whoa! Great! Congrats, you're gonna get it for sure!" I said happily. So, that was really awesome, I thought. I was saying a small prayer as we finished our lunch and helped the others to set up the room when Sister Joice shouted, "Up up, everyone who's in for the Margam Kali! We've a little change in the schedule here!" "WHAT?" I was shell shocked and standing with my mouth wide open. "Dammit! What are they playing at?" George screamed I was sure my heart skipped a beat as someone pushed me around the room, handed me the costume and asked me to go and change. "No! I'm not ready yet!




(gotta go, to be continued! Muah!!! ;))

The Real Me

Why do I feel lost when I'm not
Why can't I see what's in front of me
Was it the choice I made wrong
Or is it me who is not strong

Ahead, lies a long way to go
Where would it take me, I don't know
But instead of walking on
I keep turning back, searching what's gone

No, this isn't where I want to be
It's on the stage I'm meant to sing
Oh, everything is complicated
I stand still and stare, right or left?

Confused, is this darkness or light?
My heart, filled with pain, holds me tight
Misused, is my talent for life
My art, the only thing helps me fight

Gone are the days of laughter and smiles
All that's left now are the echoes and chimes
Sore, my wounds are left, unhealed
Far away, I lay here and bleed

And now, you may wonder, 'who's this?
Who's this girl full of suffering?
Can't she write about something good?'
Pal, now, you're just misunderstood

You may think why, I know
I do have some nice things to show
True things that I really feel inside
As my soul's real words hit like a tide

I really love my life, my self
It's the best, but words can't tell.
My being; how much it means to me
It's great, to be the girl I live

This might seem so hopeless, clueless
But no, it's not such a mess
There must be a way out for sure
'Cause there was one for in, before

I might have got in the wrong bus to reach
The long drive ahead to my dream
But there's always a next stop
Where I can board another with more hope.

My songs 10: Ray Of Hope

                                                           Ray Of Hope

Desperate for someone to notice my tears

To hear my soul cry

An intimate friend to fight away my fears

To see through my broken sight

Deep inside I'm so alone and filled with self pity

Oh, will I ever come back to life

Be my side, give me hope, I'm feeling so guilty

Show me way to the light

/Chorus/

I'm lost and not found

Oh, Lord, I need you now 

Find me in the wilderness

Lead me through the darkness

Pour down your mercy as I surrender to thee

Don't let me fall off this slope

Light for me a ray of hope

I still remember the girl I used to be

Now I feel like it was just a stranger

I wonder if it was even me or not me

Here I am, a feet away from the danger

/Chorus/

How long will this pain thrive

How long can I survive

These nightmare is so real

These wounds are left, unhealed

Oh, don't desert me here, Lord

For you are my ray of hope...

/Chorus/